More often than not, the onus of responsibility is on the targets and victims of bullying. We tell them to report the incidents, to adopt strategies to protect themselves and prevent them from being bullied.
To combat bullying effectively, we need to address the root causes of bullying behaviours. And we can't do that without understanding who typically does the bullying, and why they engage in such behaviours.
In this article, we will provide some insight into people that bully - who they are, what they do to bully others, and why they do it.
WHO
There are two types of bullies:
- Bully-victims:
This group are often victims of unresolved trauma or underlying mental health-related issues. They feel like they are unable to fit in socially and have low self-esteem and self-control. They also usually lack social skills, have negative attitudes and beliefs about others, and are rejected and isolated by peers.
Some may become bullies after experiencing bullying themselves. They adopt bullying behaviour to cope with their own feelings of powerlessness, to regain a sense of control, or to retaliate to the original bully. This may stem from a "bully or be bullied" mindset when the person is unable to see other possible pathways.
- Bullies by choice:
Bullies in this category are self-assertive, confident, successful, and popular to their peers. They have social power and engage in bullying behaviours to dominate or exert power over others.
Some bullies have a lack of moral reasoning and develop a disregard for others’ feelings. They may not fully understand the impact of their words and actions on people around them, which makes it easier for them to say and do hurtful things to others.
WHAT
What distinguishes bullying from other forms of aggressions is the deliberate nature of it. Bullying can be verbal, social, physical, and cyber.
- Verbal– name calling, taunting, teasing, making threats, verbal abuse, derogatory remarks, or spreading rumours about someone with the aim of causing emotional harm.
- Social– spreading rumours, public humiliation, gossiping, intentionally excluding someone from a group. Also known as relational bullying, this type involves manipulating social relationships to harm, embarrass, or exclude someone.
- Physical– spitting, hitting, pushing, kicking, pinching, or any form of physical violence intended to harm the victim.
- Cyber– mean texts, prank calls, rude comments, cyber-stalking, compromising images, imitating others, fake online logins, spreading false rumours, or sharing explicit images, videos and messages without consent. This type of bullying involves using electronic devices and platforms such as social media, text messages, or online forums to harass, threaten, or intimidate someone.
WHY
Here are some common reasons why kids bully:
- Desire for power and attention
A common reason for some students to put others down is the desire to feel superior. By trying to make another person feel small, a bully may feel bigger, more important, and more powerful.
Some may bully others to gain attention or validation. They may believe that engaging in bullying behaviour will increase their social status or popularity among their peers.
- Insecurity and low self-esteem
Contrary to popular belief, some bullies may struggle with low self-esteem or feelings of insecurity or inadequacy. They may feel the need to make others feel just as hurt as they do about themselves. Bullying others can be a way for them to feel powerful or in control, temporarily boosting their self-confidence. This could also come from a desire to feel more valued and loved, to make up for the low self-esteem.
- Defence mechanism
People who have been bullied themselves are more likely to bully others. After being bullied, some bully others in an attempt to shift the target and defend themselves. They may also adopt bullying behaviour as a way to cope with their own experiences of trauma or powerlessness. Others bully the past perpetrators to get back at them. By turning the tables and becoming the aggressor, they may gain a sense of control and empowerment.
- Lack of empathy
Bullies may lack empathy, or the ability to understand and share the feelings of others, so they don’t feel very attuned to how they are making other people feel. They may not consider or care about the impact of their actions on their victims, leading them to engage in hurtful behaviour without remorse.
- Copying Behaviour
Children may mimic bullying behaviour they have observed from adults, siblings, or peers, especially if it's normalised or rewarded. If the people closest to them have prejudice or discrimination against people based on race, ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation, gender identity, or disability, students may perceive "difference" as negative and bully kids they consider "different" from themselves.
- Unresolved issues at home
Children experiencing childhood trauma like verbal and emotional abuse, neglect and domestic violence may act out in social situations and tend to be aggressive toward others.
The bullies, much as the bullied, need help from their school, family and community. It's crucial to prevent bullying through intervention strategies that promote a culture of kindness, respect, empathy, and inclusivity to prevent and combat bullying effectively.
If your child bullies someone, here's a guide on what you can do as a parent: https://bit.ly/3WOUggC.
If you or someone you know is bullied, this article gives you some tips on how to deal with bullying: https://bit.ly/3V6WWF4.
If you are concerned about a child or young person being bullied, please seek help. Speak to a trusted GP, school wellbeing staff, or a helpline such as:
Dolly’s Dream Support Line 0488 881 033
Parentline in your state or territory
Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800
Headspace 1800 650 890
Lifeline 13 11 14
