You notice you child has been acting different the last few weeks. They refuse to attend school or make up excuses as to why they can’t. At home, they’re moody, teary and withdrawn. There’s a sudden drop in their grades. They have trouble sleeping and start complaining about headaches or stomach aches.
Then you find out they’ve been bullied at school.
This may be a familiar story to many parents. It can be a tough pill to swallow, but there are things you can do to help your child get through this challenging time.
1. LISTEN CAREFULLY
Hearing your child is being bullied may make you feel anger, hurt, guilt, helplessness, or fear, especially when you also experienced it as a child. However, avoid having an emotional reaction and listen to what your child is telling you. Many children blame themselves when this happens to them, seeing you angry or upset may make them feel even worse.
Create a safe space for your child to talk openly about their experiences without fear of judgment. Focus on making sure your child feels understood and supported. Say things like, 'I'm sorry that happened, thank you for telling me', 'It must be very stressful for you' or 'I'm sorry to hear. You should feel safe at school'. Commend them for being brave enough to share it with you, and assure them it's not their fault.
2. ASK THEM WHAT THEY WANT TO DO
No one knows the situation better than your child. Helping them identify their own solution makes them feel that they have some control over it, and empowers them to actively stand up for themselves.
Discuss different strategies to deal with bullying such as talking to a teacher, standing up to the bully, or simply walking away. If they want to report the incident or stand up to the bully, suggest what to say and help them rehearse. Assure your child that it's okay to seek help from trusted adults, such as parents, teachers, or the school's wellbeing officer/counsellor, if they're experiencing bullying.
3. GET SUPPORT FROM SCHOOL
Talk to the school's wellbeing officer or counsellor and let them know all the relevant information including what happened, who was involved, when it occurred, who witnessed it and how often it has happened. Make sure to bring any documentation or evidence of the bullying, such as records of incidents or messages.
Collaborate with the school to develop a plan to resolve the issue and address any future bullying. This may involve implementing strategies to support your child, such as increased supervision, mediation or disciplinary action against the bully. Arrange follow up meetings to provide updates on any new incidents or changes in your child's situation.
4. TEACH YOUR CHILD HOW TO RESPOND TO BULLYING
It’s important to coach your child on how to deal to bullying - below are some suggested strategies:
- Ignoring the bully/Acting unimpressed: Bullies tend to pick on people who they can get a reaction from.
- Telling them to stop: Research shows that most bullies stop aggressive behaviours within 10 seconds when someone (either a victim or a bystander) ask them to stop in a strong and powerful voice.
- Walking away: If the situation becomes too intense or unsafe, advise your child to simply walk away to avoid further escalation.
- Practicing self-care: Encourage your child to engage in activities they enjoy and spend time with supportive friends and family members to boost their self-esteem and resilience.
Practising these strategies with your child at home can help them develop the skills and confidence they need to respond effectively to bullying and advocate for themselves in challenging situations. Remember to check in and offer ongoing support and encouragement as they navigate these experiences.
No parents want to hear their child is bullied. When it happens to your child, it’s important that you stay calm, be supportive and create a safe space for them to share and learn what they can do to stand up for themselves. By working with your child and their school, you can give them holistic support to overcome the lonely feeling of being bullied and keep it from happening to them again.
If you are concerned about a child or young person being bullied, please seek help. Speak to a trusted GP, school wellbeing staff, or a helpline such as:
Dolly’s Dream Support Line 0488 881 033
