Building a safe and inclusive environment for our kids starts with recognising and addressing bullying behaviours. But what about when our own child might be the one doing the bullying?
It's a tough subject, but an important one. In this blog post, we're sharing some signs that your child might be a bully. By spotting these signs early, we can take steps to guide them towards more positive interactions and behaviours.
Some kids, in an attempt to build themselves up, tend to put other people down. It means they often point out flaws in others, make a lot of judgmental comments or cruel jokes about a person's weight, looks, or style, and outright insult kids, including those following their lead and those refusing or not accepted to be part of the group.
This is one of the most obvious warning signs that your child is a bully - when your child makes an effort to show that he or she is bigger and better than the other child. This is also a sign that they need your help with their emotional and mental wellbeing, so they don’t resort to bullying others to help “fix” feeling low or less than others.2. THEY LACK EMPATHY FOR OTHERS
Kids that struggle to put themselves in other people’s shoes and don’t seem to think or worry about someone’s emotions is a sign to watch for. That is because it often means they have very little empathy for other kids and don't understand how their words and actions can potentially hurt others.
There's also a higher chance a kid is or will become a bully if they show a lack of willingness to accept kids who have a different background, gender, disability or sexual orientation to theirs. They might see these differences as negative and, in an attempt to exert some control over these differences, might engage in bullying behaviours.
3. THEY OBSESS ABOUT POPULARITY
Does your child spend an excessive amount of time and energy on their look, or getting followers on social media? Do they pester you for trendy clothes and makeup, and throw tantrums when they do not have what they ask for? Is it super important to them to be admired by other kids? Do they do anything to be "cool"? Do they spend too much time worrying about how they are perceived?
If the answer is yes, your child may be a bully. They can be extremely insecure, and use their popularity to shield their feelings of inadequacy. They feel the need to intimidate and exert power over other kids to feel better about themselves. This can also be a choice they make to fit in the crowd. Some kids will join their friends and bully other kids if the alternative is posing a risk to their social status.
If your child struggles to control their emotions, this can be a sign of bullying behaviour. Children who are hot-tempered, easily frustrated and prone to fighting have a higher risk of being bullies.
If your kid has a history of behavioural problems, if they get into troubles at school way too often, this can be a sign you need to watch for. However, it is worth noting that many neurodiverse kids and kids with depression and anxiety can lash out and act impulsively too. It’s important to read emotions with some depth explore their behaviours without the assumption that your kid is a bully.
Children who bully often don’t lack friends. In reality, they usually have a large network of friends and a smaller friend group that encourages or enables bullying behaviour. You can learn a lot about your child and how they act when you're not around from the kind of friends they make. If your child’s friends are mean towards other kids, if they engage in some forms of bullying, your child might be part of it too.
If your child has previous experiences with bullying behaviours, violence and anger, they are more susceptible to becoming a bully themselves. Many kids who have been exposed to aggression and violence, whose parents model anger, will start to see them as the answer or a coping strategy for their problems, and can turn to this as their go-to reaction. This may or may not be intentional, but the effect it has on kids bullied by them is harmful and devastating regardless.
Occasionally, children who have experienced bullying first-hand will become bullies in an effort to regain some control over their lives, or to retaliate to kids that cause them pain and humiliation.
It may hurt to find out your kid is a bully, but as parents, we need to take meaningful steps to intervene and guide them towards healthier social interactions. Remember, it's never too late and always important to have open and honest conversations with our kids, to teach empathy, kindness, and respect.
If your child bullies someone, here's a guide on what you can do as a parent: https://bit.ly/3WOUggC.
If you or someone you know is bullied, this article gives you some tips on how to deal with bullying: https://bit.ly/3V6WWF4.
If you are concerned about a child or young person being bullied, please seek help. Speak to a trusted GP, school wellbeing staff, or a helpline such as:
Dolly’s Dream Support Line 0488 881 033
Parentline in your state or territory
Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800
Headspace 1800 650 890
Lifeline 13 11 14
