We know bullying takes a toll on our kids' mental health. What we might not know is they often don't just feel one way or another, but a vast range of emotions. Knowing how they feel will help parents understand the way they cope with bullying, and work out an effective strategy to protect and empower them.
Below are the six common feelings a bullied child may experience.
FEAR
For a child, bullying is probably the biggest nightmare. It causes anxiety about going to school, and overwhelming fear with a lot of questions and "what ifs". Will they encounter the bully today? What will be done or said to them that will make them feel awful? What will others think if they find out about the bullying?
A bullied might also be afraid that they won't be able to stop the bullying, that nobody will believe them or help them, or that they might make the situation worse if they know about what happens.
This is why a lot of kids avoid telling their parents about their experiences of bullying. They're worried about getting into troubles if their parents don't believe them or blame them for what happens to them. That the bully might retaliate, and they will have to suffer from even more bullying.
ANGER
When a child is being bullied, it's natural for them to feel angry. It can be at the bullies, at themselves, or others who they perceive as not helping or understanding the situation.
Anger is a natural reaction to being targeted and mistreated. It's hard to not be angry when someone is intentionally trying to cause you pain, whether physical or emotional. It’s unfair, unjust, disrespectful and hurtful, and especially triggers children with a strong sense of fairness.
Anger can also arise from frustration over not being able to stop the bullying or assert control over the situation, and serve as a defense mechanism to mask more vulnerable emotions like helplessness or embarrassment.
LOW SELF-ESTEEM
Being bullied can chip away at your self-esteem and confidence, making you doubt yourself and your worth as a person. It's like when you keep hearing a negative message over and over again, it's hard not to start believing it.
That's why bullying can really damage a kid's self-esteem. They might think they're not as smart, funny, cool as others. They start seeing themselves in the same way the bully does – as someone who's not good enough.
SHAME
Bullying can lead to feelings of shame or embarrassment, especially if it's done in front of others. Imagine if someone kept singling you out, making fun of you, pointing out the things that make you "weird". Even if what they say is not true, you might start to think there's something wrong with you, that you're different and don't belong despite your effort to fit in.
Bullying can make kids feel like there's something about them that deserves to be treated poorly, and that feeling of shame can stick with them long after the bullying stops. Some kids feel like it's their own fault that bullying happens to them, that if they looked or acted differently it wouldn't be happening. They can also feel weak for not being able to stand up for themselves, or to handle the situation the way they want.
ISOLATION
Kids can feel lonely when they're bullied because bullying often isolates them from their peers. They might feel like nobody understands what they're going through or that they have no one to turn to for help or support.
Some kids, when being teased or excluded by their classmates, might start thinking nobody wants to be around them and be friends with them. This can make them withdraw from social activities and avoid interacting with others. Bullying can also damage friendships. Other kids might not want to be associated with someone who's being bullied because they're afraid of becoming a target themselves. All of this can worsen feelings of isolation and loneliness in a bullied child.
HOPELESSNESS
Sometimes bullying can seem never-ending, and victims feel like there is nothing they can do to stop it. If a child experiences it repeatedly without any improvement, they might start to think things will never get better.
They might not see a way out or know how to handle the bullying. To them, there are only two options: Continue to suffer from bullying behaviours, or tell someone about what happens and risk angering the bully more or bringing too much attention on themselves. And sometimes, the "consequences" might be even worse than the bullying itself.
Feeling powerless to stop the bullying or change the situation can lead to a sense of helplessness and hopelessness and stop a child from seeking help from a trusted adult. It’s crucial for adults to step in, offer support, and help the child see that there are ways to overcome bullying and regain hope for the future.
If you know your child is bullied, here are some tips for you as parents: https://bit.ly/4a8mYfk
If you or someone you know is bullied, this article gives you some tips on how to deal with bullying: https://bit.ly/3V6WWF4.
If you are concerned about a child or young person being bullied, please seek help. Speak to a trusted GP, school wellbeing staff, or a helpline such as:
Dolly’s Dream Support Line 0488 881 033
Parentline in your state or territory
Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800
Headspace 1800 650 890
