Broaching the topic of suicide with your children is undeniably challenging. Dolly’s Dream works with Mental Health First Aid Australia who share the below advice.
Talking about suicide does not “plant ideas” of suicide in children
Parents often worry that discussing suicide with their children may “plant ideas” or increase the likelihood of self-harm. However, it is important to know that open conversations about suicide do not contribute to its occurrence. On the contrary, open dialogue can create a safe environment where children feel comfortable asking questions and seeking clarification.
Talking to very young children about suicide
When it comes to discussing suicide with young children, it’s important to be honest and factual while not offering an overwhelming amount of information. By naturally speaking about tricky topics like this as part of everyday language, children are more likely to feel safe and comfortable to share about difficult things as they get older.
Things to remember when speaking to young children about suicide:
- Be calm and create a comfortable environment
- Use straightforward, age-appropriate language
- Introduce mental health and mental illness
- Share a simple, easy-to-understand definition, such as “Suicide is when a person does something to make themself die”
- Explain emotional pain as it relates to suicide
- Let them know that suicide can be prevented and there are supports available
You might help them unpack the concept of pain, both physical and emotional. Explain that just as a person may feel intense physical pain from an injury or illness, some people experience deep emotional pain that you may not be able to see. Clarify that emotional pain is often overwhelming and sometimes it can become too difficult for a person to cope with. You might say something like: “When someone is feeling extremely sad or overwhelmed, they may have thoughts of ending their own life. Feeling this way can make it hard to think clearly or ask for help, but there’s always help available.”
If your child asks “how” questions about suicide
Help them understand using simple, factual language without going into graphic detail. Don’t provide information that the child has not asked for. For example, you could explain that someone had deliberately taken too much medicine, without explaining what kind or how much. Don’t use euphemisms such as “They were so sad and tired that they decided to go to sleep and never wake up”. This is confusing and can make children feel afraid that other people may not wake up, including themselves.
Young children may experience a range of emotions when learning about suicide for the first time, including sadness, anxiety, confusion, fear, or anger. Explain that people react differently to difficult situations and that their feelings are completely natural.
Let them know that there is help available for people thinking about suicide. This is a good opportunity to talk about sadness and the strategies they use to cope, such as talking with a trusted person, or doing things to help them express their feelings and feel better, such as playing with friends, making art, playing music or sport.
Discussing suicide with teens
By the time children start high school, young teens are likely to have encountered mental illness or suicide in some way, so it’s good to gauge where to begin by asking what they already know, or what they have heard at school, or from friends, or from media. They may even have personal experience to inform their understanding, so this is a good opportunity to open these crucial lines of communication.
These conversations can also play an important role in normalising the breadth of mental health challenges people face, providing information about supports available, dispelling any myths or misinformation, and asking what they might do if they experience poor mental health or suicidal thoughts.
When speaking with teens, the conversation can delve a little deeper while keeping in mind their individual capacity for understanding and coping with the feelings that may arise (some teens are more sensitive than others). It may help to define suicide in a bit more depth, saying something like this: “Suicide is when a person ends their own life on purpose. People who die by suicide usually believe it is the only way to stop their emotional pain. Suicide is often associated with depression which can cause a person to feel intense emotional pain that they feel they can’t escape from. This is different from the sadness or pain felt after the death of a loved one.”
If you don’t feel well-equipped to have the conversation, or if your own distress is making it too difficult, that’s okay. You and your teen child can seek professional advice.
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