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How to be an Upstander

Bullying
Two people on bed smiling
Read this quick guide to help your friend who is being bullied.

What is an Upstander?

An upstander is someone who chooses to do something helpful when they see something wrong is happening, instead of staying silent or ignoring it.

It's the opposite of a bystander, and it can show up in real, every day situations.

  • If someone is being bullied in school or online, an upstander calls it out or supports the person being targeted
  • If a friend makes a racist, sexist or homophobic joke, an upstander says 'that's not okay'
  • If someone looks uncomfortable at a party, an upstander checks in or interrupts the situation
  • If misinformation is spreading, an upstander speaks up with facts.

Being an upstander doesn't always mean being loud or confrontational, it can also be checking in privately with someone who was hurt, reporting harmful behaviour or refusing to laugh along.

Our Quick Guide

It takes courage to be an upstander because there's social pressure to stay quiet. But upstanders help create safer, more respectful communities. 

  1. Stay calm - don't react or retaliate!

    In some situations, this can make bullying worse so try to stay calm.

  2. Interrupt the bullying

    Only if it's safe to do so

  3. Remove the person being bullied from the situation

    You could say something like, "Hey, come and sit with us."

  4. Offer support

    You could say something like, "I saw what was happening and it's not okay! How are you feeling?"

  5. Tell trustworthy adults

    This could be a work colleague, manager or teacher. Tell more than one and keep talking to them until the bullying has stopped.

Need more advice?

Call our Bullying Support Line for free confidential advice from qualified counsellors. They can offer next steps or just listen.

It's available over the phone or through webchat.

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