Indirect Bullying: What you need to know

Indirect bullying is mostly behind a person's back or hard to prove.   

It's a form of bullying that’s subtle and often hidden. It’s designed to hurt someone without confronting them directly and can make you feel like you're 'getting worked up over nothing'.   

It can include:  

• Excluding someone from a group or activity
• Spreading rumours or gossip
• Giving the silent treatment
• Manipulating friendships (e.g. telling others not to be friends with someone)
• Mocking or mimicking someone behind their back  

This kind of bullying can happen in person or online. It’s often used to isolate a person and damage their reputation or sense of belonging - without ever saying a cruel word to their face.  

Because it’s harder to see, your child might not realise what’s happening, or they may feel too embarrassed to talk about it. Keep an eye out for:  

• Changes in mood or behaviour
• Avoiding school or social situations
• Sudden friendship shifts
• Low self-esteem or increased self-doubt
• Spending more time alone, especially after using their phone or being online
• Having a physical reaction to their device, like getting a fright when they check a notification, or dropping their phone

If you think your child might be experiencing indirect bullying, here are some ways to support them:

Create a safe space to talk

Let your child know you’re there for them, without judgement. Use open-ended questions like:  

• “How have things been going with your friends lately?”
• “Is anything or anyone making you feel uncomfortable at school?”  

Why it works: Feeling heard and supported helps your child feel less alone. It also builds trust, making it easier for them to open up in future.  

Validate their feelings

It’s important not to downplay what they’re going through. Avoid saying things like “Just ignore it” or “It’s just drama.”  

Try saying:  

• “That sounds really hard.”
• “You don’t deserve to be treated that way.” 

Why it works: Validation reassures your child that their feelings are real and that you take them seriously. 

Help them build coping strategies

Work together to think of ways they can respond to bullying without putting themselves in harm’s way. This might include: 

• Keeping distance from people who are unkind
• Spending time with friends who are supportive
• Keeping a record of the behaviour - write down what the bully is doing, how often and keep it factual. This shows a pattern of behaviour (bullying).
• Talking to a trusted adult at school  

Why it works: Practical strategies give your child some sense of control and help reduce feelings of helplessness.  

Read more coping strategies on The Kids Helpline's Facebook.

Encourage positive connections

Support your child to get involved in clubs, hobbies, or activities where they can meet new people and build confidence.  

Why it works: Being part of a positive group can rebuild self-esteem and create strong, healthy friendships.  

Work with the school

If the bullying is ongoing or affecting your child’s wellbeing, reach out to their teacher, wellbeing coordinator, or school counsellor. Most schools have policies in place for dealing with bullying.  

Find out your schools anti-bullying policy as well as a list of questions you can take with you to the school to understand their next steps here: Dolly's Dream : Anti Bullying Toolkit 

Why it works: Adults working together at home and at school, can make sure your child is supported on all fronts.  

Indirect bullying can be just as harmful as any other kind of bullying, especially because it’s so isolating. But with your support, your child can learn to navigate it, build resilience, and come out stronger.