What To Do If Your Child Bullies

Finding out your child has been bullying someone can hit hard. You might feel shocked, upset, defensive – or all three at once. That reaction is completely human.

The good news? This can be a turning point. With the right support, clear boundaries and open conversations, kids can learn, grow and do better. Here are 10 simple do’s and don’ts to help guide you through this moment with care and confidence.

Take it seriously

Address the behaviour as soon as you become aware of it. Let your child know that bullying isn’t okay – and that you’re there to help them make things right. Be clear about expectations and set fair, consistent boundaries around behaviour.

Have calm, open conversations

Choose a time when everyone is calm. Listen without interrupting or jumping to conclusions. Ask what’s been going on for them – at school, with friends, or at home. Sometimes bullying is a sign your child is struggling with big feelings like jealousy, anger, or feeling left out.

Build empathy, kindness and respect

Help your child understand how their actions affect others. You might say, “How do you think that made them feel?” Talk about celebrating differences and treating people with kindness – no matter who they are or where they come from.

Stay involved in their world (online and offline)

Know who your child is spending time with and what they’re doing online. Talk about what they’re watching, playing and posting. If you notice aggressive behaviour being normalised in media, use it as a chance to chat about what’s okay and what’s not.

Encourage positive ways to handle conflict

Teach and model healthy ways to deal with frustration, disagreements and big emotions – like taking a break, using words instead of actions, and asking for help. Notice and praise moments of kindness, empathy and respect. These small moments matter.

Ignore it

Looking the other way can send the message that the behaviour is okay. Even small incidents deserve attention. If something feels off, trust your instincts and talk about it early.

React with anger or shame

It’s okay to feel upset – but try to keep the conversation calm. Yelling or shaming can shut kids down and make them less likely to open up. Focus on the behaviour, not labelling your child as “bad”.

Make excuses or blame others

Avoid brushing it off or blaming schools, friends, or the child who was hurt. Taking responsibility helps your child learn accountability and empathy.

Minimise what's happened

Comments like “It’s just a phase” or “Kids will be kids” can downplay real harm. Even one incident can deeply affect another young person. Take concerns seriously and work with the school or other supports if needed.

Go straight to harsh punishment

Consequences are important – but they work best when paired with understanding and support. Focus on helping your child learn better ways to cope, communicate and connect, rather than just punishing the behaviour.

If your child has been involved in bullying – on either side – support is available. Talking to someone can help you work through next steps and feel more confident about how to respond.

Our Bullying Support Line offers free, confidential counselling from qualified counsellors. You can call 13 DOLLY or use WebChat.