Six Warning Signs Your Child is a Bully

Creating a safe and inclusive world for children starts with recognising bullying behaviours and addressing them early. 

Most conversations focus on supporting children who are being bullied, but sometimes, as parents and carers, we may need to consider something much harder: what if our own child is involved in bullying others?

This can be an uncomfortable and emotional realisation. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed as a parent, and it doesn’t mean your child is a “bad” person. It does mean your child may need support, guidance and care to help them develop healthier ways of relating to others.

Below are some signs that may indicate your child is struggling with behaviours that could harm others. 

Not every sign means a child is bullying, our kids are complex and context always matters, but noticing patterns early can help you step in with compassion and support.

Some children cope with feelings of insecurity or low self-esteem by putting others down. 

This can look like:

• making frequent critical comments
• unkind jokes or dismissive remarks about another child’s appearance, abilities or interests.

Often, this behaviour is a sign that a child is struggling internally. Rather than seeing it as “mean behaviour,” it can be helpful to view it as a signal that your child may need help building confidence, emotional awareness and healthy coping skills.

Empathy - the ability to understand how others feel - takes time to develop. 

Some children find this harder than others and may not fully recognise how their words or actions affect people around them.

You might notice your child has difficulty considering another child’s feelings or shows discomfort or intolerance towards people who are different from them. 

This doesn’t mean empathy can’t be learned, it absolutely can, and parents play a vital role in helping children grow this skill.

It’s natural for children and teenagers to care about fitting in. However, when popularity, appearance or social status becomes a major source of stress or self-worth, some children may try to protect themselves by seeking power over others.

This can show up as excluding peers, joining in unkind behaviour to stay accepted, or worrying constantly about how they are perceived. Often, this behaviour is rooted in insecurity rather than confidence.

Children who struggle with frustration, anger or impulsive reactions may sometimes lash out at others. Frequent conflict at school, aggressive reactions, or difficulty calming down can be signs that a child needs support learning emotional regulation skills.

It’s important to remember that neurodivergent children, and children experiencing anxiety, depression or other challenges, may also display these behaviours. Avoid jumping to conclusions — instead, focus on understanding what’s happening beneath the surface.

Children are strongly influenced by their peer group. If your child’s friends frequently speak unkindly about others, exclude people or engage in bullying behaviours, your child may be participating — even if it’s to avoid standing out or losing friendships.

Paying attention to friendship dynamics can provide valuable insight into how your child behaves when adults aren’t present.

Children often learn behaviours from what they see and experience. If your child has been exposed to bullying, aggression or ongoing anger, whether at school, online or at home, they may begin to see these behaviours as a way to cope or regain control.

In some cases, children who have been bullied may later bully others as a way to protect themselves or manage unresolved hurt. This is not uncommon, and it highlights the importance of early support.

Discovering your child may be bullying others can be painful — but it’s also an opportunity to help them learn, grow and change.

Start with Calm, Open Conversations

There is a lot parents and carers can do.

Talk with your child and try to understand what’s going on for them. Ask gentle, open-ended questions and listen without interrupting. You might explore:

• How they’ve been feeling lately
• Whether something stressful or upsetting has changed in their life
• Whether they’re experiencing bullying themselves
• How they feel about their friendships

Let them know you’re there to support them.

Reassure your child that you love them and that they are not a bad person. Make it clear that it’s the behaviour — not who they are — that needs to change, and that you’ll help them do that.

Ask reflective questions like:

• How do you think the bullying could stop?
• What do you think needs to change for things to be better?

It’s important for children to understand that they are accountable for their actions. Bullying behaviour is not acceptable, and clear consequences can help reinforce this message.

Depending on the situation, consequences might include temporarily removing privileges such as screen time, social outings or mobile phone use. These should be fair, explained clearly, and linked to the behaviour, not delivered in anger.

Alongside consequences, talk with your child about how it might feel to be on the receiving end of bullying. Helping them reflect builds understanding and encourages genuine change.

If you’re worried about your child’s behaviour, remember: asking for help is a sign of care, not failure. With guidance, patience and support, children can learn empathy, kindness and healthier ways to connect with others.

If you need extra support, Dolly’s Dream is here to help. 

Our Bullying Support Services are available for parents, carers and young people, because every child deserves the chance to feel safe, supported and understood.