Ten Do's & Don'ts if Your Kid is Bullying Others

Finding out that your child has been involved in bullying behaviour can be incredibly confronting. It can stir up a mix of emotions — shock, guilt, sadness, confusion, even fear about what this means for their future.

If this is where you are right now, take a breath. This moment doesn’t define you as a parent, and it doesn’t define your child as a person. What matters most is what happens next.

With consistency and support, bullying behaviour can change. Below are ten important do’s and don’ts to help you navigate this challenging situation with empathy and understanding for your child and for those who may have been hurt.

1. Do take it seriously

Bullying is never “just kids being kids”. When you become aware of concerning behaviour, it’s important to act early. Addressing it clearly and calmly shows your child that bullying isn’t acceptable and that their actions matter.

Set clear, age-appropriate boundaries around behaviour and explain what will happen if the behaviour continues. Consistency helps children feel safe and supported — even when the conversations are tough.

2. Do have open, calm conversations

Create space for your child to talk without fear of being judged or shut down. Approach the conversation with curiosity rather than accusation.

Ask gentle questions and listen carefully. Often, bullying behaviour is a sign that something else is going on — feelings of anger, jealousy, sadness, insecurity, or even experiences of being bullied themselves.

3. Do teach empathy, inclusion and respect

Help your child understand how their words and actions affect others. Encourage them to imagine how it might feel to be on the receiving end.

Use everyday moments to talk about kindness, difference and inclusion — whether that’s differences in culture, ability, gender identity, appearance or beliefs. Empathy is a skill that can be learned and strengthened over time.

4. Do monitor and guide

Stay connected to your child’s world — at school, in sport, online and with friends. Supervision isn’t about spying; it’s about guidance and protection.

Pay attention to the media they consume and the messages it sends about power, aggression and relationships. When something concerning comes up, talk it through together and help them think critically about what they’re seeing.

5. Do encourage and notice positive behaviour

Children learn best when positive behaviour is recognised. Notice and acknowledge moments of kindness, cooperation and respect.

Teach practical skills like managing big emotions, communicating clearly and resolving conflict without hurting others. These tools help children feel more in control and less likely to lash out.

1. Don’t ignore the behaviour

Ignoring bullying sends the message that it’s okay — even when it isn’t intended that way. If you notice changes in your child’s mood, behaviour or friendships, take them seriously.

Addressing concerns early can prevent harm and help uncover what your child might be struggling with underneath the behaviour.

2. Don’t react with anger

It’s natural to feel upset or disappointed, but reacting with anger can shut down communication and increase defensiveness.

If you need time to process your own emotions, take it. When you’re ready, approach your child calmly and with empathy. Focus on the behaviour, not labelling your child as “a bully”.

3. Don’t make excuses or blame others

Avoid explaining away your child’s behaviour or placing blame on schools, peers or the child who was hurt. Saying someone “deserved it” can cause further harm and prevents real change.

Taking responsibility doesn’t mean shaming your child — it means helping them learn and grow.

4. Don’t minimise or dismiss it

Bullying should never be brushed off as “just a phase” or “only happening once”. Even a single incident can have lasting impacts on another child’s wellbeing.

It’s also important to remember that children can behave very differently in different settings. If concerns are raised, listen openly and look into what’s happening, even if it’s hard to hear.

5. Don’t rely on harsh punishment alone

Consequences are important, but overly harsh or punitive responses can create shame and resentment rather than change.

Instead, focus on understanding why the behaviour is happening, repairing harm where possible, and helping your child learn better ways to cope and connect.

Addressing bullying behaviour takes time, patience and ongoing support. Change doesn’t happen overnight, and that’s okay.

By responding with empathy, setting clear boundaries and staying connected, you’re helping your child learn responsibility, kindness and respect. And in doing so, you’re helping create safer, more compassionate spaces for all children.

If you need extra support, remember you don’t have to do this alone. 

Call our Bullying Support Line: 13 DOLLY